Mobile Marriages
One of the most stressful events couples encounter is relocation. With almost half of all married couples now counted as dual-career, that stress is magnified.
Does the spouse give up his or her job and meekly follow, or does he/she become commuters? How much help will the transferring company give to the spouse? How secure is the new job? What about the children? Years ago, the couple and the corporation approached the relocation very practically. Sell the house. Pick a new neighborhood. Buy a new house. Get settled. There weren’t any of the other questions that now cause couples to search their souls and evaluate their relationships.
The first question to answer, after deciding that the new position is a good one, of course, is whether the spouse will move or stay. If there is any question about the security of the new job or the company itself, experts advise the spouse to stay put. Then think about the professional considerations: What opportunities exist in the new location, and are they appealing? Next, examine the personal considerations. Each person must be completely comfortable with living alone, since they will be doing that for most of the week.
Children seem to muddy the equation - the spouse who stays is really stressed and the spouse who moves is racked with guilt. Finally, both the couple and their employers have to be flexible.
The next hurdle is how to accommodate the trailing spouse. Formerly, they were helped only if the transferred employee was in top management, but now the perks are filtering down to the lower levels as the number of two-career families grows.
These perks vary from company to company but often consist of a simple cash award for the spouse - commonly, up to $5,000 - in addition to whatever bonus the transferred executive receives. Visits for job interviews for the trailing spouse, courses to help the spouse change careers, or even just a phone call to "friends" are some of the many ways corporations can assist. Where there is no formal relocation policy for a spouse, there may be an opportunity to negotiate something unique.
Bear in mind, however, that it is the rare trailing spouse who winds up with a position that is comparable in pay and stature to the one left behind.
First published in Passages, Johnson Smith Knisely. All rights reserved.